Introduction

The similarities between telemarketers and insects are more than superficial. Who hasn't, as a child, captured some poor insect and tormented it? The great advantage to doing likewise with telemarketers is that there is absolutely no reason to feel guilty about it.

The bait

Most telemarketers use computers to screen their calls, which listen for the characterstic "Hello?" followed by a pause when a human answers the phone; an answering machine message is typically longer and lacks the pause. My roommate and I decided to set our outgoing message to trip up the computers. To date we've caught maybe a dozen; most simply hang up but so far three have left behind amusing traces of their presence.

The outgoing message
"Hello?" [long pause] "If you're a telemarketer, stay on the line! We've got important information just for you. For direct access to Nathan, press 2; for direct access to Roddy, press 3." .wav file (700k) .au file (130k)

Specimens
"It says if you're a telemarketer, stay on the line, they got information for you. But then they want you to press [unintelligble]..." .wav file (200k) .au file (80k)
[Really long pause] "Hello?" .wav file (230k) .au file (83k)
[pause] "I'm waiting for the important information!" [incredibly long pause] .wav file (510k) .au file (180k)

Back to Roddy's home page