I've decided to start recording some of these latter ones, so I can look back later and see if I can remember what events prompted the described mood.
No fucking way. No chance in hell will I put up with THAT bullshit.
Note to self: If you feel the need to ask someone "Would it be a bad idea if I . . ." the answer is a resounding YES!
mmm, conversations with two friends I've not seen in a while is perhaps one of the best ways to end an evening. :-)
Would it really be that bad a thing for me to just disappear for a while? Would it cost me anything? Would it have any negative results? I'm not seeing any. Disappearing could be a good thing. I might even learn a little bit about my life and life issues.
I just might give it a try sometime soon. Be prepared.
You know, it's not the fact that I may have ruined yet another
friendship this morning that shocks me.
It's the fact that someone with as little sense of when to keep his
mouth shut as me has *ever* had any friends to begin with.
As now I lay me down to sleep, within my mind these thoughts I keep:
Sometimes you have a day that puts your life in perspective. The kind of day where you come home and think "Wow, considering all of that, my life isn't quite as messed up as it could be!"
Today was such a day.
Sometimes, some people, some things -- I will just never understand.
You know that theory I had a few days ago? Yeah, that one that you told me was wrong? That I was drawing a false conclusion from the available evidence? Guess what - Today is yet more evidence supporting that theory. Do you not realize, or do you not care?
You can guess which one I believe.
Is this what Clinical Depression is like? A complete lack of caring about anything that should be important to me, or about my future? Does it involve a dwindling number of people I care about? I just lost another 2 or 3 of those today. I think I'm down to about 5 'good' friends, and maybe 3 associate friends. But hey, if nothing else, that's only more reason to get me out of here and moving on with my life. And that's what you've all wanted for me anyway, right?
Every once in a while, you get an inkling of how much you personally matter to those you care about. Half the time, coming to this realization is an amazingly wonderful feeling. Today falls into the other half.